i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
