i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
