I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
