Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
smell my finger.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
