whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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