at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
