I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
