Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
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