I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
