Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I will be naked everywhere
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
