I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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