your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
