Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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