why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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