you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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