My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
She's the barista slut.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
