I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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