i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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