i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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