If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Did you just see the Batmobile???
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
