Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
