why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize