Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
