I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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