we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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