okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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