Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
