It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
