I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success