I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.