oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass