I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
3pm strippers are depressing
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.