I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
