haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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