he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
