Princesses don't give blow jobs
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I am available for nakedness
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
