Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
