just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
