Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
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