dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
