Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
