It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
