He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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