The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Randomize
