I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
