The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Couch. On fire.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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