so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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