Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
