would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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