We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
