boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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