Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
The air was thick with penises
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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