marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
