New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Randomize
