I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
