Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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