After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
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