Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
