I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
