Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
