You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
