If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Randomize
