yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
