I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
try to milk me bitch
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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