I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
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