My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize
