He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
