No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Randomize
