just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
