so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
