i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
