Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
We have started to decorate penises.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Randomize
