Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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