I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
