Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
